On Getting Old

So, yes, I'm eagerly saying that I'm now 28. Pretty old, huh?

At this age, according to society expectations, I'm supposed to achieve any stability in life. I'm supposed to get married and raise kids. I'm supposed to have a steady job (or, becoming a housewife). I'm supposed to have some savings or investments whatsoever.In shorts, I'm supposed to able to live independently, as a mature human being.

Well, the fact is, I haven't be what I'm supposed to be.

My financial life hasn't been near any stable phase. I haven't got any investment and my savings accounts are usually spent on vacations or shopping some unremarkable stuffs. To be honest, if I'm not living with my mom (and get supports from her), I don't know if I can afford any household billings. I'm still unable to manage my credit cards and monthly wages     wisely. I don't know what I'm going to do with my job; it's like I was stuck in every office I entered to and always ended up seeking 'better' ones - which I'm still unable to explain what 'better' means, because I don't know what's 'better' that I'm actually looking for.
And as everyone can see, I haven't married, let alone raising kids.

As a grown up, I couldn't say I'm a mature person. I feel like my mental age stopped when I was 21. I act like abege labil. I cry easily. My mood swings within seconds. I yell and angry to the wrong persons at the wrong times. I can't manage my emotions and blame it the hormones. Shame on my psychological background.

But here I am.

I admit my mistakes. I see my failures. I know my downs. And I plan to fix them.

I know this sounds cliche, like resolutions and promises, easy to say yet never been done. But we have to be optimistic, don't we? We have to believe that we're able to fix and mend our faults, and create something better. I believe my mistakes and any errors in my life can be some guidance, and yes, I'm somewhat grateful for that.

Now I keep in mind that I have to be better, because I have to.

And what's the point of getting older, if I'm not able to get better, anyway? :)